Questions to ask before you get married

婚前一定要问的20个问题

　　You may think that you and your fiancé have talked about everything……but have you discussed the issues that will make your marriage work?

　　你也许会想你已经和你的未婚夫谈过了关于结婚的所有问题，但是你们是不是真的探讨过那些如何让你们的婚姻生活一帆风顺的问题呢？

　　Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

　　问题1：每月、每年我们计划花多少钱用于购置和维修我们的房子？

　　Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

　　问题2：谁负责将房子和院子收拾得井井有条？我们双方对整洁和秩序的要求标准是否有所不同？

　　Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

　　问题3：我们一起挣多少钱？现在挣多少？1年后呢？5年呢？10年呢？我们每个人挣的钱占总收入的多大比例？现在是多少？1年后呢？5年呢？10年呢？

　　Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

　　问题4：就年收入而言，我们最终的收入目标是多少？计划什么时候实现这个目标？要通过哪些途径？要付出哪些努力？

　　Question 5: What are our categories of expense （rent, clothing, insurance, travel）? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?

　　问题5：我们的支出都包括哪些（付房租、买衣服、买保险、旅游开销）？每一项开销上，我们的月、年开销是多少？我们希望我们能够花多少？

　　Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

　　问题6：我们每人每周工作多少小时，都在那个时间段？需要我们早上很早就上班吗？我们是否喜欢工作到很晚？

　　Question 7: If one of us doesn’’t want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

　　问题7：如果我们中的任何一个人不愿意工作，如果可以的话，在什么情况下这是可以接受的？

　　Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other’’s level of ambition?

　　问题8：你有多大的志气和抱负？我们是否对对方的理想感到满意？

　　Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

　　问题9：我是否对性爱上的付出和回报感到满足？在性爱方面，我的另一半是否能够感受到我付出的爱？

　　Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?

　　问题10：我们是否对我们做爱的频率满意？如果我们的需要没有得到满足，我们怎么处理？只有一点不满足怎么办？很不满呢？一个晚上呢？一周呢？一月呢？一年呢？甚至是更长怎么办？

　　Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

　　问题11：我们一起吃饭吗？哪一顿呢？谁买食品？谁做饭？谁洗碗？

　　Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other’’s approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other （e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet）?

　　问题12：我们是否对对方保持身体健康的方法满意？双方是否有会影响对方的习惯或者有这方面的趋势，像吸烟、暴饮暴食、饮食不好等？

　　Question 13: What place does the other’’s family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?

　　问题13：在我们的家庭生活中，对方的家庭处于什么地位？我们多久一起去拜访我们的家人？如果我们有住在城外的亲戚，我们是否会邀请他们过来和我们长住？经常吗？

　　Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?

　　问题14：如果我们有孩子，我们希望我们的父母和我们的孩子之间建立起一种什么样的关系？他们之间有多少时间一起相处？

　　Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

　　问题15：我们会要孩子吗？什么时候？孩子对我们双方有多重要？

　　Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?

　　问题16：有了孩子后，我们现在的生活会发生什么样的变化？我们愿不愿意从工作中抽出时间或者缩短工作时间？能够坚持多长时间？我们是否需要重新考虑谁做家务的问题？

　　Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?

　　问题17：我们是否对我们现有朋友的数量和质量感到满意？我们是否想有更多的社交活动？我们是否被社交所累，需要较少这类的活动？

　　Question 18: What are my partner’’s needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?

　　问题18：在我们的婚姻之外，对方在维持和结交朋友方面有什么需要？我是否可以心平气静的支持他，还是这会让我感到烦恼？

　　Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

　　问题19：我们有共同的宗教信仰吗？我们是去教堂，犹太教堂、清真寺还是寺庙？还是我们有不止一个信仰？如果没有共同的宗教信仰，这样的宗教关系是否会给我们的婚姻还来好处？

　　Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other’’s choices?

　　问题20：我们双方是否有自己修身养性的方法？对方的方法和在这上面付出的时间我们能否接受？我们是否可以理解和接受对方的选择？